Ch-Ch-Ch-China

I've been seriously considering teaching English in China for a year over the last month or so. I've been researching it quite heavily and I'm now at the stage where I want to make a decision, personally. It's very hard. A big part of me would love the opportunity to experience life in such a different culture, to work in it, to live in it, to teach what comes so naturally to me and travel around China...to do something completely different. Even though I've been discussing and planning to move back to London in October, I kind of know within myself that if I go to University again this year, I will probably fail. It's just not the right time for me to be studying, and the thought of another full time job crushes my soul! I'm just going in circles here... I've been so much happier.

Unfortunately this is where I get confused. Over the last couple of years my life decisions have completely sucked. I'm worried that I'll make this decision and then completely regret it. I won't be able to return if I don't like it as I'll have to stay a full year. But part of me wants to try going down this new direction, part of me is saying that I'll love it and it's just what I need to sort myself out. I'm not seeing China as an escape from my troubles, though. There's so much going on within me (wow I'm a walking talking cliche) and it's as if I can't see straight most of the time, day to day. I want to be more sure of myself. I want to prove to myself that I can do something like this. That I can do it now. Just so many things to think about...it happens when I have some time alone.

Also, I'm so glad that Vanessa is out of the house. She was making me wretch!